When discipline becomes abusive?

 
With the world gradually itching towards a communal village, old traditions, beliefs and ways of live are giving way to the influence of the Western World. In typical African societies, perhaps the worst hit by the influences of the west, debates are daily being generated on the legality and propriety of some our traditions that have sustained the continent for centuries.
Prominent among these debates is, the issue of child discipline. While modern apostles of the right way to discipline a child think the Biblical injunction of sparing the rod and spoiling the child is ancient and barbaric, members of the old school insist, a child must not be given all the freedom in the world to grow out of control.
Citing the lack of discipline and waywardness of the average child in the Western world as example of how not to bring up a child, the modern apostles insist, any form of physical punishment is infringing on the rights of the child hence amounts to child abuse.
Determined to drive home their points, the old school missionaries maintain that the policy of sparing the rod by the Western World is aimed at immigrant children; significantly to ensure they become of no use to their parents back home. Whether this notion is right or not is subject for another debate. They demand of the modern day apostles, to cite cases of children of prominent families the world over who are allowed to go wild and fully disrespect their parents all in the name of child’s right.
While the two opposing groups have continued in their tug- of-war verbal tussle, our Senior Reporter, Anthonia Soyingbe, in this report speaks to some parents on their views on corporal punishment and its relation to child abuse.
The United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child; of which Nigeria is a signatory, defines corporal punishment as “any punishment in which physical force is applied to cause some degree of pain or discomfort. It includes hitting children with a hand or object, kicking, shaking or throwing children, scratching, pinching, biting or pulling at their hair, forcing them to stay in uncomfortable positions, locking or tying them up, burning and scalding.”
Going by this definition, nobody is even allowed to smack a child whatsoever or insist a child goes to a school or country he or she isn’t comfortable with. This, therefore entirely gives the child total control of his or her life.
Amira Stephen, a Nigerian born in America explains the thin line between child abuse and corporal punishment. “The majority of reported cases of child abuses through corporal punishment come from the assumption of parents who think beating and slapping are normal way of bringing up a child. Most parents who administer physical force on their children do not intend to harm them. However, regardless of a parent’s intention, any form of physical punishment can easily become child abuse, which could have dire consequences on the child, the parent, society, and can even contribute to the very behavior the parent is trying to correct. Thus, it is necessary that parents, teachers, and other authoritative figures associated with the task of bringing up a child are informed of the harmful effects of physical punishment and the alternative forms of discipline that exist. Parents must realize alternatives to corporal punishment and the benefits over physical force. There are many arguments against banishing corporal punishment, though most can be faulty.”
Arguing along a different line, Mrs. Toyin Adeyemo, a mother of five boys, says, “I am a proponent of the fact that discipline is moral without visible injury, the intent of many parents is to teach and not to harm children. Physical discipline is often the social norm of Africans. I support corporal punishment but we must correct our children with love when we doing so.”
“Spanking Children: Evidence and Issues:” a book on corporal punishment defines it as “hitting a child with an open hand on the buttocks or extremities with the intent to discipline without leaving a bruise or causing physical harm”. On the other hand, physical abuse is an extreme form of corporal punishment that is typically intended to leave scars.
But when does corporal punishment cross the boarder line into child abuse? According to the author of the book, it becomes abusive when an object is used. Physical punishment can easily escalate and cross the line to abuse and cause serious injury.
Somi Asakome, a child right activist urges parents to note the difference between physical discipline and child abuse. She explains that, “even good-intentioned discipline can lose effectiveness over time. In order to get the intended message through to the child, parents will eventually have to punish a child longer and harder. At first, when a parent taps the bottom of a child screaming over the parent’s refusal to pay attention, there is typically no indication of serious child abuse. This incident may even be forgotten until the next time when the frustrated parent spanks the child harder, presuming the child will not react dutifully to any other form of punishment. This notion can continue, as the reprimanding grows persistently stronger and harsher eventually leaving physical scars for the world to see, but also it can potentially cause damage to the child’s mental and emotional wellbeing.”
Asakome went on, “parents must be mindful when applying corporal punishment as it can escalade when the parent grows impatient with the child. When this happens, the parent should try simple stress-relieving techniques, such as breathing deeply or counting backwards from ten to zero.”
Kicking against every form of Corporal Punishment on children, Sandra Odebunmi argues that, “Children need guidance and discipline.  Effective discipline helps a child develop self-control by teaching, guiding, modeling and explaining what is wrong and what to do instead. Effective discipline starts with our attitudes about children and their behavior.”
Olayinka Ojo, a mother of one in annoyance says, “I don’t know why we want to copy everything from the western world. Must we bite all they feed us with? I don’t support unnecessarily indulging a child. My parents didn’t over-pamper me neither will I over-pamper my child by not snapping at him when necessary. My parents beat me and I still have some marks on my body so why won’t I beat my son whenever he deserves it? Let us be mindful of what we copy from the western world, my son knows that I love him and I scold him with and in love.”
There are many ways to punish a child; “you don’t necessarily have to use cane. For me at times, I punish my children without using my cane and today they are better for it. I have canes at different corners of my home and my children despite the beatings, still respect and know that I and their mother love them,” Chidi Okechukwu a medical doctor base in Lagos said.
A common thinking among advocates of corporal punishment is that without the obvious appearance of physical scars or bruises, this form of discipline is completely moral. Even with all the evidences supporting alternative forms of punishment and Child Right Acts, many parents still believe that corporal punishment is the most effective. It is only effective when done with love for the erring child.